Diaper Diplomacy: “All these white bales are not Christmas gifts from Santa.” | Hegseth

by EzekielDiet.com
Posted on Dec 06, 2025

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Secretary of War Pete Hegseth walked into the cabinet meeting ready to explain why the Caribbean now has more sunken drug boats than working cruise ships — and somehow managed to do it with a straight face.

In his remarks, Hegseth insists that “all these white bales are not Christmas gifts from Santa”, which, to be fair, is the kind of clarification a government only offers when things are going really well. According to him, the second strike was justified, evidence-based, and definitely not the kind of thing that keeps Pentagon lawyers awake at night whispering, “please don’t ask us about submarines again.”

He praises the intel, the process, the “rigor,” and the fact that apparently no one is fishing on a submarine — a sentence that absolutely belongs in the Smithsonian’s exhibit on 21st-century governance.

Whether you think this was a decisive blow against narco-terrorism or just another chapter in “America vs. Things That Float,” Hegseth is here to assure you the strike was correct, controlled, and totally not controversial (except for the part where it sparked… the controversy).

And now, like any responsible adult, he’d like you to know the American people are safer, the boat is definitely sunk, and Santa is officially cleared of all maritime drug-running allegations.
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