Resources: Love, Sex, Dating, and Marriage God’s Way

Posted on May 22, 2016

What I learned from 3 failed Christian marriages and almost 40 years – keep no record of wrongs forgiven

For Christians, marriage goes beyond the earthly state sanctioned covenant, it’s seen as a divine picture of the perfect love relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church. It’s a spiritual representation of our relationship with God.

The main topic of the Bible is love.  It’s obviously more important than most people ever comprehend. Especially men.

So why is perfect love or true love fleeting? What happens to it? The kind of love that brought us thousands of love songs. How does a perfect 10 form of true love get slowly extinguished over time to nothing?

The answer may come from the Apostle Paul’s definition of perfect love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Here’s my assessment from almost 40 years and 3 failed marriages, by the way, all 3 marriage partners were professing Christians. Including me. Regular infractions of the Apostle Paul’s list of love attributes, regardless of how small, and left unforgiven, will slowly extinguish perfect love. None of us understood this principle. And, you don’t have to violate most of the Apostle Paul’s list of love attributes to slowly extinguish love. We got most of it right most of the time, but it seems that even the smallest infractions that weren’t addressed accumulated over time to slowly extinguish love and eventually destroy the marriage covenant.  Of course the big infractions, or combination of infractions will just accelerate the process, I’m guilty of that too.

The key point is this:

You have to acknowledge how important it is to address and forgive (or be forgiven for) even the smallest infractions daily before they can accumulate and slowly extinguish perfect love. And keep no record of wrongs forgiven.

It’s like flushing a toilet. Get this wrong and your relationship becomes a backed up septic system of unforgiveness you can’t stand to be around. You have to get rid of the old stinky one and start all over, hoping for a different outcome.

If you can’t address the infractions and forgive daily you’ll eventually destroy the marriage covenant.  Most people never acknowledge this, they slowly destroy one marriage after another, doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome.

Keep no record of wrongs forgiven.

Isn’t it interesting how simple that is?

And it’s exactly how God handles the same problem in His relationship with us through the finished work of his son Jesus Christ, who took the blame and the punishment for all those infractions. Your infraction ransom paid in full. Address it (repent), admit it (confess), and He forgives it and keeps no record so that we can be in a perfect love relationship with Him.

How many people do you think actually get this right today? I bet not many based on divorce statistics, even among Christians. The Joshua and Caleb ratio, the only 2 in the exodus population to make it into the promised land keeps coming to my mind, maybe 2 out of about 2 million. Who knows?

But now you know. Keep no record of wrongs forgiven.

Great Free Resource For Anyone Willing To Do It Right:

The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating

Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for? – Andy Stanley

The Right Person Myth

Gentleman’s Club

Designer Sex

If I Were You

View or Listen Here:

Staying in Love

We all know what’s required to fall in love. A pulse. Falling in love is easy. But staying there? That’s something else entirely. With more than 1,500 matchmaker organizations in the United States, finding someone is easier than ever, but staying together seems to get more difficult every day. So. . . is it possible for two people to fall in love and actually stay there? Absolutely. Find out how in Andy Stanley’s 4-part series, Staying In Love.

The Juno Dilemma


Feelin’ It

Multiple Choice Marriage

View or Listen Here:

Also see:



Gary Demonte Chapman (born January 10, 1938) is a relationship counselor and author of the The 5 Love Languages series. He is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. He also has a radio program on marriage and relationships that airs on over 100 stations and can be heard via the internet.

He is also the senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He joined the staff in 1971 and shares the responsibilities of teaching and family care. He is recognized nationally and internationally as a trusted intellectual Biblical teacher and relationship expert.

Dr. Gary Chapman



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