The Onion/Deep State won the bid for Infowars – UPDATE: No they didn’t. April FOOLS!

by EzekielDiet.com
Posted on Nov 14, 2024

Ezekiel Diet Note: Update! The Onion auction winner of InfoWars was a HOAX. April FOOLS! Wait, it’s November. This is one crazy world. I wonder what the right hand is doing while they distract us with this left-handed circus magic show. Maybe the Zionist appointments puppet show. I suspect we’re being played.

Ezekiel Diet Note: Oh look, that Onion logo displays a globe. Revealing. Could an Onion purchase of InfoWars be an effort to relegate the truth Alex did share to satire and parody? Probably, it’s way too obvious. Kind of the old Communist equivalent of putting their opponents in an insane asylum to discredit everything they ever said. Isn’t that defamation?

See Alex Jones opine about this “highjack” development between commercials at his new site: https://alexjones.network/watch

One thing Alex has done in my opinion, is dilute the alternative media with excessive commercials. Many alternative media podcasters followed his lead and now spend half of their ridiculously long shows in sales commercials. It’s difficult to find interesting content anymore without putting up with excessive commercials you’ve heard hundreds of times. Commercial free editions of InfoWars was only a fleeting solution because Alex eventually turned half the show into a commercial.

From CNN: Satirical news site The Onion won the auction to acquire conspiracy theorist Alex Jones’ Infowars, which was sold off as part of a defamation settlement after he falsely called the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre a hoax.

The Onion’s bid was backed by the families of eight victims of school shooting and one first responder. It also will have an exclusive advertising deal with the gun control group Everytown for Gun Safety. CNN was first to report the humor web site had entered the bidding.

From the desk of the Supreme Satire Leader at “the” Onion:

Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’

By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO

Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.

All told, the decision to acquire InfoWars was an easy one for the Global Tetrahedron executive board.

Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic “panic” and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the Moon.

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.

Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites the world over.

What’s next for InfoWars remains a live issue. The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.

As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.

All will be revealed in due time. For now, let’s enjoy this win and toast to the continued consolidation of power and capital.

Infinite Growth Forever,

Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO

Source: https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

Here are the best naturally detoxifying foods you can eat every day by: Edsel Cook (Natural News) Every day you end up absorbing toxic substances from your surroundings that impair your health. Your body naturally removes these toxins, but you can give […]
The 1 out of 100 Cleaner Condiments: Braswell’s Merlot Wine Sauce from WalMart, 6 bottle case EZ Diet Note: This will become a series of blog posts on all 1-in-a-100 cleaner condiments I've discovered over the years. When it comes to sauces, marinades, and dressings I have a […]
Apple Cider Vinegar improves blood sugar regulation and speeds up weight loss Wednesday, March 18, 2015 by: Dr. David Jockers - as seen at NaturalNews.com Tags: apple cider vinegar, blood sugar, weight loss (NaturalNews) Historical evidence credits ancient […]